The memories of times spent together
Photos on the dresser, haunting
Pajamas scattered in the dresser drawers
Treasures with no measure, though
They can’t compare to the greatest gift
That still surrounds you
The love your deceased still has for you
The love you still have for them
A love everlasting
It’s what you feel
I have been dwelling on this dilemma — what function of the human psyche is responsible for healing from the loss of a loved one? Is it the brain? Can we convince ourselves mentally that we are “just over it”? Can a licensed therapist suggest a magic bullet that tears a hole through your grief and miraculously cures your depression? Or do our broken hearts need emotional surgery to make us whole again?
Let’s take a gander at the mental aspect of this. The brain is a real trickster. It can convince us of many things. Some that simply don’t exist. We easily fall into its traps of “what ifs”, “why didn’t I’s”, “how could this have happened,” “why did it have to happen”, “why did he/she have to die/leave me.” If you are reading this, I’m guessing you’ve experienced one or more of these.
Do you believe you can think your way to the proverbial ‘I’m over it’? Can it be that simple? Medicate yourself until you become a walking zombie. And then, miraculously, you wake up one morning and declare yourself cured, and just like that, everything is back to normal? Perhaps one percent of the population can be this lucky. Perhaps, but I doubt it.
Let’s look at this from the heart. The heart center functions as the gateway for soul (the real us). We, soul, are love. Extrapolating on this, we are eternal. So is love. I know if you have lost a loved one, you have experienced this to some degree in some way. You haven’t stopped loving them, and they haven’t stopped loving you. You will begin to recognize the signs they share with you, the more you allow this to become a fixture of your state of consciousness. They will exhibit outward signs in the physical realm. And visit with you on the inner planes through the dream state. I am certain many of you reading this have had these experiences.
Much of this, for those fresh in their grief, may think I’m crazy. That’s okay. At one time, I would have too. All I ask is that you print this out and keep it by your bed. Read it upon waking. Read before you sleep. Believe it will happen.
Every moment is a lifetime. It’s all a matter of perspective. Fill your life with love.
What about me in twenty twenty-three
What will I do, what will I see
Will I finally conquer grief
See the light, attain reprieve
Will I travel to a foreign land
Will I walk along the shores of white sand
Or begin to understand
The meaning of God’s demands
All questions without answers now
Perhaps a visit to Curacao
Or be bold and allow
Myself to just be in the here and now
Or will I wallow in self-pity
Tossed against the shore of enmity
Can I reach out tentatively
And discover a new identity
Can I find the will to take a chance
Find love again by happenstance
Know without doubt upon first glance
To once again dance that dance
Will she be loving and sexy
A lover to sweep away my emotional debris
To once again feel carefree
To float away on an endless sea
Of love
The night sky
Is your lullaby
When you rock me
In your arms — I’m free
From the constant longing
The begging, imploring
Barely breathing, clinging
On my knees, groveling
The river of tears
Each tear, a waking nightmare
My heart pierced by Ares’s spear
As each day morphs into years
Is it too much to ask
Just a simple heavenly task
Visit me with your death mask
A sip from a poisoned cask
I feel you, I know you are near
My love, my life, my Guinevere
My future seems impossibly unclear
My will to live stripped of its veneer
Still now, hushed breathing, I wait
Just a breath away, I abdicate
This earthly shell I dedicate
A body no longer able to participate
I sense you’re just a breath away
My ticket stamped, prepaid
No more yesterdays or todays
I step into a heavenly cabriolet
My ride to where you are
Of moments shared
crystal tears
falling all these years
forming puddles
of all my fears
slipping and sliding
like skating on ice
no railing to hold
it’s too damn cold
there was a time
before the tears
there was a time
of moments shared
no answers now
to questions anew
seemed to be lost
without you
Photo by Khadeeja Yasser on Unsplash
During a contemplation last week, I realized how fortunate I’ve been to have been surrounded by love my entire life. I took that for granted for most of my life, not realizing how special it was. During this contemplation, I had several revelations I would like to share.
When I met my wife, Nancy, for the first time, I fell instantly in love. At that moment, I realized that I had never been in love before. Real love transcends time, space, and logic. It simply is.
I felt complete. Little did I know at the time that love is never complete. It is constantly expanding. My first realization of this was when our first child was born. When you hold that special soul in your arms, you feel as if your heart could burst. That love continued to expand through the years as we experienced this with two more children.
My point is this. Love is a never-ending journey. Whether we are here in the physical or elsewhere, even if we wanted to, we cannot escape it because everything in existence is sourced from God’s love.
Grief is a love trainer. It’s akin to starting a workout program where your trainer tells you to forget what you think you know and do this instead. Little by little, through the aches and pains, you start to become a new you. You become stronger, more flexible, and can take on new projects you’ve put off for too long. Your world becomes more effortless. You have more energy and a better outlook on life. Your light begins to shine again.
Grief is your spiritual trainer. Not one you chose, but one nonetheless. And like a fitness trainer, it breaks you down before it can build you up. And grief is a trainer you can’t fire. You’re stuck with the task master. You can try to fight it or run from it. None of this will work. If you want to gain all the gifts grief has in store for you, simply immerse yourself in it. Go with the flow. Allow it to ravage you. This is the greatest of grief’s gifts.
It cleanses the soul in preparation for the new life you are about to be born into. A life filled with new adventures and endless possibilities. A life that has been handed to you with blessings from God. The only question that remains is, what will you do with it? It’s entirely in your hands. Make it a miraculous one.
Why do we grieve? Why would a loving God have us suffer so? What is the lesson we are to learn from grief? I know that everyone who has experienced grief has asked these questions. I will try to provide possible solutions to them.
We grieve because we have loved deeply. God understands we are eternal souls. God is not making the choice that we suffer from grief. We do that. We choose how much and how long we will suffer from the influence of grief. The most important lesson we should learn from grief is to be grateful for the great love we shared and the great love we still share. Love is eternal. We are eternal. Never stop sharing love, no matter what the cost.
Grief is a small price to pay for having loved. If you were given the choice never to have loved to avoid suffering from grief, would you? Of course, you wouldn’t. As potent as grief is, it is insignificant to the love you shared. Here’s the thing. You still and always will share the love. That never dies. Love is eternal. Grief is a temporary blip on the radar that fades away like a bad dream.
I was fortunate to have been born into and raised in a loving family. I have seen love up close since I was a child. I fell instantly in love the first time I met my future bride. The woman who made me whole. It caught me by complete surprise. That’s the thing about love. Great surprises await you when your heart is open. Though your heart may be breaking, it still has an endless capacity to love. Exercise that love muscle. Share with others the great love that still resides within you. It will make miracles happen. Love does that. The only restrictions on love are the ones we create.
Be open. Share love. Enjoy life. Life is eagerly waiting for your return.
© 2024 Joe Merkle
The celestial surfboard that is love
Image by https://www.freepik.com/author/wirestock
Grieving is Soul at play, or more specifically, soul surfing. As Soul, we ride the waves of grief among its crests and valleys. We immerse ourselves in the thrill of it and rejoice in the immensity of love crashing in upon us. As well as the overwhelming emotional pain that consumes us. We are tossed like ragdolls from our celestial surfboards, gasping for air as we try to survive the pounding surf. All the while learning to let go of fear.
Eventually, we become surfing champions, able to ride the waves to shore. We grow stronger having gained the knowledge and understanding of what love is. It becomes apparent to us we need to pass that love unto others. We all become grief counselors.
Grief is another powerful step for us as souls in becoming spiritual masters. Grief helps us learn the immense power and depth of divine love. It is incumbent upon us to share this knowledge. It is the reason why we exist.
Born in spring, a new life begins
A baby boy born of woman
Inheriting his ancestor’s sins
Crying over once again being human
Youth manifests its boundless energy
Sun rays bake skin golden brown
Playing, prancing, light and fancy-free
With energy that knows no bounds
Tree leaves that fill Van Gogh with jealousy
Love blossoms within expectant hearts
Lover’s bodies meld zealously
A lifetime ahead for these sweethearts
The icy cold clatters these aged bones
Heartbroken by Death’s finality
The flag I fly is skull and crossbones
My body, icy cold, stiff, shivering
An angel of mercy graced my threshold
Tossed aside my insistent futility
Gently, she removed my blindfold
Now spending eternity exploring infinity
©2024 Joe Merkle All rights reserved.
I have had the privilege of sharing great love all my life. When my wife died in May of 2021 I never thought I would feel a deep, loving connection again. But God took pity on me and sent me an angel disguised as a woman. That was rather sneaky of IT as I wanted no part of this earthly existence anymore. I am forever grateful. I just wonder what IT expects in return. Whatever it may be it should be very interesting indeed.
Fighting to find fleeting memories
Like ghosts, they pervade her dreams
They escape when she awakes
Leaving her nothing left to claim
Left alone with her imagination
Exploring her heart for any inspiration
Finding dissatisfaction in every action
Desperately seeking a spiritual transaction
Disturbing to her that she received so selfishly
Gifts provided prophetically
Granted by God for her spiritual benefit
She’s become an imperfect perfectionist
Her days of delightfully dancing departed
The reward she earned, brokenhearted
The days, they fade away
In a web of disappointing ways
Still, she prays for celestial intervention
©2024 Joe Merkle All rights reserved.