The memories of times spent together
Photos on the dresser, haunting
Pajamas scattered in the dresser drawers
Treasures with no measure, though
They can’t compare to the greatest gift
That still surrounds you
The love your deceased still has for you
The love you still have for them
A love everlasting
It’s what you feel
I have been dwelling on this dilemma — what function of the human psyche is responsible for healing from the loss of a loved one? Is it the brain? Can we convince ourselves mentally that we are “just over it”? Can a licensed therapist suggest a magic bullet that tears a hole through your grief and miraculously cures your depression? Or do our broken hearts need emotional surgery to make us whole again?
Let’s take a gander at the mental aspect of this. The brain is a real trickster. It can convince us of many things. Some that simply don’t exist. We easily fall into its traps of “what ifs”, “why didn’t I’s”, “how could this have happened,” “why did it have to happen”, “why did he/she have to die/leave me.” If you are reading this, I’m guessing you’ve experienced one or more of these.
Do you believe you can think your way to the proverbial ‘I’m over it’? Can it be that simple? Medicate yourself until you become a walking zombie. And then, miraculously, you wake up one morning and declare yourself cured, and just like that, everything is back to normal? Perhaps one percent of the population can be this lucky. Perhaps, but I doubt it.
Let’s look at this from the heart. The heart center functions as the gateway for soul (the real us). We, soul, are love. Extrapolating on this, we are eternal. So is love. I know if you have lost a loved one, you have experienced this to some degree in some way. You haven’t stopped loving them, and they haven’t stopped loving you. You will begin to recognize the signs they share with you, the more you allow this to become a fixture of your state of consciousness. They will exhibit outward signs in the physical realm. And visit with you on the inner planes through the dream state. I am certain many of you reading this have had these experiences.
Much of this, for those fresh in their grief, may think I’m crazy. That’s okay. At one time, I would have too. All I ask is that you print this out and keep it by your bed. Read it upon waking. Read before you sleep. Believe it will happen.
Every moment is a lifetime. It’s all a matter of perspective. Fill your life with love.
What about me in twenty twenty-three
What will I do, what will I see
Will I finally conquer grief
See the light, attain reprieve
Will I travel to a foreign land
Will I walk along the shores of white sand
Or begin to understand
The meaning of God’s demands
All questions without answers now
Perhaps a visit to Curacao
Or be bold and allow
Myself to just be in the here and now
Or will I wallow in self-pity
Tossed against the shore of enmity
Can I reach out tentatively
And discover a new identity
Can I find the will to take a chance
Find love again by happenstance
Know without doubt upon first glance
To once again dance that dance
Will she be loving and sexy
A lover to sweep away my emotional debris
To once again feel carefree
To float away on an endless sea
Of love
The night sky
Is your lullaby
When you rock me
In your arms — I’m free
From the constant longing
The begging, imploring
Barely breathing, clinging
On my knees, groveling
The river of tears
Each tear, a waking nightmare
My heart pierced by Ares’s spear
As each day morphs into years
Is it too much to ask
Just a simple heavenly task
Visit me with your death mask
A sip from a poisoned cask
I feel you, I know you are near
My love, my life, my Guinevere
My future seems impossibly unclear
My will to live stripped of its veneer
Still now, hushed breathing, I wait
Just a breath away, I abdicate
This earthly shell I dedicate
A body no longer able to participate
I sense you’re just a breath away
My ticket stamped, prepaid
No more yesterdays or todays
I step into a heavenly cabriolet
My ride to where you are
Of moments shared
crystal tears
falling all these years
forming puddles
of all my fears
slipping and sliding
like skating on ice
no railing to hold
it’s too damn cold
there was a time
before the tears
there was a time
of moments shared
no answers now
to questions anew
seemed to be lost
without you
Be grateful for a love that never dies
This is Oxford’s definition of grief: deep sorrow, especially that caused by someone’s death.
Sounds very cold and impersonal. But I can understand why. Unless one has walked the walk, shed the tears, and suffered from all the ravages of grief, it is impossible to grasp the conditions of grief. Or the self-torment that the one left behind often indulges in.
Let me pose a question to those reading this who may be experiencing grief. Answer it honestly. DO YOU STILL LOVE YOUR DEPARTED LOVED ONE? Ninety-nine out of one hundred of you likely answered yes.
Grief is a journey that everyone who has experienced or will experience it will one day walk. In one lifetime or another. Just as God intended.
That’s what you are probably thinking right now. Take a deep breath and contemplate that for a moment. Would everyone on this planet experience grief in their lifetime if God did not intend it to be so? Accepting this notion leads to another question.
I can’t speak for God. I can share what I have learned from grief. And what I have learned from being a volunteer for a Hospice bereavement team. Grief cleanses you. It breaks one down to the lowest point in one’s life. Why? To prepare you for a new life, one you are now being compelled to create.
How many wounded veterans who have lost limbs in battle had to learn to walk with artificial legs, if they were lucky enough to avoid being wheelchair-bound for the rest of their lives? Or perhaps have artificial arms and hands to try to accomplish the simple task of eating? Did they give up when the going got tough? No. They learn to adjust while being grateful for being alive.
Nothing exists that can strip one bare like grief. Grief is the ultimate self-reflection. When we are grieving, we dive deep into a pool of what-ifs, if-only’s, why did she/he have to leave me, and a myriad of other emotions meant to cleanse us. Meant to strengthen us. Meant to awaken us to new possibilities we’ve put aside long ago.
There is a distinct sense of freedom one eventually attains in the later stages of grief. The world doesn’t seem so foreboding because we’ve survived the worst scenario it could throw at us. Now we can view future challenges as minor barriers in life and laugh them off.
I know this may all seem like a fantasy for those still in a deep state of grief. I would have when I was in that stage of grief. I have the advantage of seeing how all this works from volunteering and attending grief meetings at Hospice. I’ve seen many experience their worst days, and many believed I was a crazy person when I suggested much of what is in this article to those around the tables. And I have had many of them thank me a year or two later when they finally started on their new lives. Over the last three years, six couples have met there, and three of them are already married.
So, yes. Life goes on. What we do with it is entirely up to us. However, one thing is sure: all those who grieve will go through the most difficult time of their lives. Hang in there. It gets better. And if you choose, it gets spectacularly better.
Photo by Khadeeja Yasser on Unsplash
During a contemplation last week, I realized how fortunate I’ve been to have been surrounded by love my entire life. I took that for granted for most of my life, not realizing how special it was. During this contemplation, I had several revelations I would like to share.
When I met my wife, Nancy, for the first time, I fell instantly in love. At that moment, I realized that I had never been in love before. Real love transcends time, space, and logic. It simply is.
I felt complete. Little did I know at the time that love is never complete. It is constantly expanding. My first realization of this was when our first child was born. When you hold that special soul in your arms, you feel as if your heart could burst. That love continued to expand through the years as we experienced this with two more children.
My point is this. Love is a never-ending journey. Whether we are here in the physical or elsewhere, even if we wanted to, we cannot escape it because everything in existence is sourced from God’s love.
Grief is a love trainer. It’s akin to starting a workout program where your trainer tells you to forget what you think you know and do this instead. Little by little, through the aches and pains, you start to become a new you. You become stronger, more flexible, and can take on new projects you’ve put off for too long. Your world becomes more effortless. You have more energy and a better outlook on life. Your light begins to shine again.
Grief is your spiritual trainer. Not one you chose, but one nonetheless. And like a fitness trainer, it breaks you down before it can build you up. And grief is a trainer you can’t fire. You’re stuck with the task master. You can try to fight it or run from it. None of this will work. If you want to gain all the gifts grief has in store for you, simply immerse yourself in it. Go with the flow. Allow it to ravage you. This is the greatest of grief’s gifts.
It cleanses the soul in preparation for the new life you are about to be born into. A life filled with new adventures and endless possibilities. A life that has been handed to you with blessings from God. The only question that remains is, what will you do with it? It’s entirely in your hands. Make it a miraculous one.
I’ve played
My life has been an orchestra of love
Those I’ve loved are the notes I have played
I sincerely don’t know what I’ve done
To deserve the chance to conduct this heavenly serenade
I‘ve conducted a wonderful symphony of souls
All the sharps and flats creating a gravitational mass
An inimitable universal love that unfolds
A treasure chest of love that I’ve amassed
Sing to me my choir of shining stars
That I may sail away upon your wings
Let’s erect our personal spiritual alcazar
A palace to share our heartstrings
Let me sail away upon your perfect harmony
Scaling notes beyond human comprehension
As all our love melds with eternity
While we entertain each spiritual dimension
A puppet on a celestial string
the dance of moonbeams
across cresting waves
lends to daydreams
of hopes I’ve yet to attain
footprints in the sand
stragglers left behind
ballads are sung by a heavenly band
urging me to stay aligned
waves lapping at my feet
I stare into a starlit sky
this human form seems obsolete
its existence hard to justify
I’m just a contestant in this game show
a puppet on a celestial string
a player in God’s minstrel show
a soul on the wing
sun peeks above the horizon
casting tangerine across the dawn
I’m tripping on nature’s psilocybin
this heavenly phenomenon
Originally published at https://medium.com/poetry-publication/a-soul-on-the-wing-7834636ed097
Think of all the experiences in your life that led you to this moment. The joys, the heartaches, the friendships, and the losses. Each one of them is a part of what makes you who you are today. But more importantly, who you will become tomorrow. Did you stop learning to ride a bike when you fell for the first time? Did you quit trying to do better in school, at a job, or in relationships when times were hard? How about your first dive off a high diving board? It’s all scary stuff, but you pushed through it all and learned so much about yourself in the process. You learned you were a survivor.
You see, that is why we are here. To learn the hard lessons. Earth is a cruel planet, and human history continues to prove this every day. It is the place where we, as souls, learn we can rise above anything. God provided one tool for us to succeed at this. Love. Not just the messy human love that is truly wonderful, but divine love. A love that has no attachments. A love that recognizes everything in existence is divine love.
To have any success in human life requires the ability to face our challenges head-on. To recognize that they are not the end of our world. They are the stepping stones to a more fulfilling life. Each challenge we face provides us with an opportunity to discover the real reason we chose to incarnate on this most difficult planet. To become a Co-Worker with God. To be a channel for divine love. To fill our hearts with gratitude for even the most difficult challenges we face here.
When we face up to and conquer these challenges, the gifts we receive are limitless. For then, we can tap into divine love at any or every moment in our day. We have become an open channel for It. Those close to us see the change in us. They can’t quite find the reason why they always feel better when they are in our presence. All of life responds to this flow of Divine Love, from the smallest particle to universes.
God is love. God created everything. Hence, everything is love. When we become aware of this at our deepest core, life becomes simpler, richer, and more meaningful. All of life that surrounds us responds in kind.