This is Oxford’s definition of grief: deep sorrow, especially that caused by someone’s death.
Sounds very cold and impersonal. But I can understand why. Unless one has walked the walk, shed the tears, and suffered from all the ravages of grief, it is impossible to grasp the conditions of grief. Or the self-torment that the one left behind often indulges in.
Let me pose a question to those reading this who may be experiencing grief. Answer it honestly. DO YOU STILL LOVE YOUR DEPARTED LOVED ONE? Ninety-nine out of one hundred of you likely answered yes.
Grief is a journey that everyone who has experienced or will experience it will one day walk. In one lifetime or another. Just as God intended.
What? How can you say that? God can’t be that cruel.
That’s what you are probably thinking right now. Take a deep breath and contemplate that for a moment. Would everyone on this planet experience grief in their lifetime if God did not intend it to be so? Accepting this notion leads to another question.
What does God expect us to learn from grief?
I can’t speak for God. I can share what I have learned from grief. And what I have learned from being a volunteer for a Hospice bereavement team. Grief cleanses you. It breaks one down to the lowest point in one’s life. Why? To prepare you for a new life, one you are now being compelled to create.
How many wounded veterans who have lost limbs in battle had to learn to walk with artificial legs, if they were lucky enough to avoid being wheelchair-bound for the rest of their lives? Or perhaps have artificial arms and hands to try to accomplish the simple task of eating? Did they give up when the going got tough? No. They learn to adjust while being grateful for being alive.
Grief is a gift from God.
Nothing exists that can strip one bare like grief. Grief is the ultimate self-reflection. When we are grieving, we dive deep into a pool of what-ifs, if-only’s, why did she/he have to leave me, and a myriad of other emotions meant to cleanse us. Meant to strengthen us. Meant to awaken us to new possibilities we’ve put aside long ago.
There is a distinct sense of freedom one eventually attains in the later stages of grief. The world doesn’t seem so foreboding because we’ve survived the worst scenario it could throw at us. Now we can view future challenges as minor barriers in life and laugh them off.
I know this may all seem like a fantasy for those still in a deep state of grief. I would have when I was in that stage of grief. I have the advantage of seeing how all this works from volunteering and attending grief meetings at Hospice. I’ve seen many experience their worst days, and many believed I was a crazy person when I suggested much of what is in this article to those around the tables. And I have had many of them thank me a year or two later when they finally started on their new lives. Over the last three years, six couples have met there, and three of them are already married.
So, yes. Life goes on. What we do with it is entirely up to us. However, one thing is sure: all those who grieve will go through the most difficult time of their lives. Hang in there. It gets better. And if you choose, it gets spectacularly better.
I knew not what I was And yet I still reached for the sky Hoping to grow tall and strong
My family members were examples Of kindness and sharing They provided shelter and food To so many divergent species
My brothers and sisters asked for nothing in return Their reward was the love they received And love they shared, fulfilled and content To just be
As I grew taller through the years I began to understand That life is symbiotic, giving and receiving And it is incumbent upon each of us to grow
Taller and stronger, to provide love and protection For those all around us, for it is we that gain as well For each inch we grow, our capacity to love grows greater Soul to soul, no matter the size or creature, we share it with
It is our fuel for growth, our ticket to the sky As we surf those cosmic waves to shore Lighting the way for future saplings That they may grow in love more each day
In the middle of the night, the garden came alive with secrets only she could hear. This was not a new experience for Beth. By age three, Beth began to realize she was different. She didn’t think it was particularly unusual, but she was too young to understand her extraordinary talents. By age six, she was fluent in languages no other human could understand. Her ability to converse with animals and plants exceeded her human language talents. At age ten, she found human conversation boring and avoided it whenever possible.
Her parents did their best to provide Beth with a normal human childhood. They hired language tutors and enrolled her in many after-school activities. However, all their efforts could not change the fact that Beth found humans boring. Eventually, her parents relented and chose to homeschool her during her high school years.
A typical evening for Beth involves wishing goodnight to all her animal and plant friends in her garden. But in the middle of this evening in May, she was surprised. Her best comrade and confidant, Rocky the Squirrel, frantically circled her. “Beth! Beth!” he shouted. “We need your help!”
“It’s okay, Rocky. Calm down and tell me what the problem is,” she replied.
“Sheryl the Crow was the opening act for The Eagles last night. Glen Eagle warned her about a coming catastrophe that would affect all the Byrds in the neighborhood. He even went so far as to say it could affect all life on earth.”
“Calm down, Rocky. You know Glen always hogs the stage and thinks he’s the star of the show. I’m sure it’s nothing to fret over. What was this world-ending event he was preaching about?” she asked.
“That’s the thing, Beth. It made no sense to me. He kept singing; It’s the end of the world as we know it. It’s the end of the world as we know it.It’s the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine. I’ve never seen him so agitated.”
“It sounds to me like Glen Eagle flew too high again today. You know how Glen can get when he flies too high. Or maybe he was listening to Janis Bluebird sing Fly Too High again. I think Glen is jealous of her voice.
Anyway, I wouldn’t be overly concerned, Rocky. If you think this is bad, you should watch the human news. Every little thing is the end of the world as we know it. And humans are stupid enough to make it happen. That’s why I checked out and now hang out in the garden with all of you.” Beth gently held Rocky in her arms and swayed him to sleep as she sang Three Little Birds.
She slept that evening, knowing she had resolved another garden catastrophe. For this, her gratitude knew no bounds.
It was a cold, dreary late October day. The sleet was assailing them horizontally, making their umbrellas useless as they worked their way towards what she was told was the fresh burial site of her husband’s coworker, John. Suddenly Donna stopped dead in her tracks. “What’s that noise, she asked?” while she grabbed her husband’s arm for security.
“It’s probably just some squirrels playing in the trees. Let’s hurry this up so we can get warm and dry,” replied Jim.
“That’s no squirrel, Jim. Besides, it’s coming from that fresh gravesite,” she said while pointing to an open gravesite still waiting for its occupant to arrive.
“You’re crazy, Donna. Come with me,” he said as he took her arm and led her to the grave. “I’ll prove to you that your mind is just playing tricks on you.”
He led her to the edge of the site. They were both surprised to find a wooden coffin occupying the grave. “That’s weird. Why wasn’t this coffin buried when they put it in the grave?” he asked.
Just then the noise Donna heard earlier startled her. This time there was no denying its source. It was coming from the coffin. Scratching, scratching. A desperate, scarifying sound that curdled the blood flowing through her veins.
Jim came to place his arm around Donna. Not to give comfort but to throw her into the grave. He then calmly walked over to the tractor beside the grave and proceeded to bury his wife alive with the still living person in the coffin. The same person he witnessed his wife cheating with just days ago. Never cheat with a gravedigger’s wife. It can have grave consequences.
As a child, I dreamed I wanted to be Superman, The Flash, Spiderman, Willie Mays, Sandy Koufax, Zeus, Davy Crockett, Tarzan, Zorro, Paul McCartney, and others. It is my firm belief that I was not unusual. There is nothing like a child’s imagination when it comes to creating fantasies. Or is there?
Then we leap into the world of teen madness. The Twilight Zone, where children’s dreams go to die. Yes, the brave new world where that horrible word responsibility enters our vocabulary. I am a firm believer that the average life span of a human should be twelve years. Yes. I know. There would be fertility issues.
As a teen, I wanted to be…uh-hmm, hell if I know. Though I was a good athlete, I was not going to get drafted by the Yankees. I was average. I managed to get good grades without trying. I was socially adequate without trying. I found girls attractive. But not enough to have to convince me it was worth the effort. The greatest achievement I attained in high school was having a modicum of success without trying.
Realizing this I began to ask myself challenging questions. What’s the point of all this? Why am I here? What am I missing? It certainly was not love. I lived with and was part of a loving family. I was not destitute. My family was typical middle-class. Back when that meant something. So, I decided to go on a mission in my junior year.
A spiritual exploration. I was raised Catholic even though my parents seldom went to mass. Did I believe Jesus was the Son of God? Well…yes. But no more than any of us. I considered him and his message to be from a highly enlightened soul who chose to be a coworker with God and make the supreme effort to share his spiritual knowledge with the world. Not unlike many such souls that have walked this earth since the beginning of time and continue to this day to work behind the scenes to help us all.
I and a good friend of mine explored Buddhism for some time. I began to see a common thread. Highly evolved souls that incarnate on earth do not seek earthly rewards. If they do attain material riches they are not attached to them. In Buddha’s case, he walked away from great wealth and influence as a prince to live the life of a beggar taking charity from others. This raised an interesting question in my mind. Does one have to give up the pursuit of material things to reach spiritual enlightenment?
Then one day I was in a bookstore exploring the spirituality section and came across a book written by Brad Steiger, In My Soul I Am Free. In it, the author spends many hours with Paul Twitchell who was the modern-day founder of Eckankar. It delves into the life of Paul and discusses in length the teachings of soul travel and so much more. It has come to light through the years that Steiger was being Steiger and some of what he relates in the book is rubbish. But in the end, the result was bringing to light a most important message to the world. We are souls and we don’t have to die to experience it.
I was given a gift that day in 1972. The most precious of gifts. The realization that I am soul. Not that I have a soul. I am soul. Temporarily using this body. This changed my life in so many ways. It began to slowly sink into my thick skull that it was not an accident I happened to be in that bookstore on that day. That my life was about to drastically change. Scary stuff for a nineteen-year-old. Finally, I had something worth trying.
This all led me to my exploratory years. Those young adult years when everything is on the table. College, sex, drugs, alcohol, travel, work. It was a busy, exciting, life-altering, period of my life. During all of this I had read In My Soul I Am Free several times. Each time brought more moments of enlightenment. Was it the book? Or was I awakening to the fact I am soul? Or both? I can’t really say. In the end, it doesn’t matter. It all led to a most amazing life.
A life filled with great love, adventure, misadventures, and a greater understanding as to why I have been so blessed in this life. It really is a simple formula. It goes like this. Love God (by any name). Share God’s love.
In good times and bad times. All the time. Realize you are soul using a body to accelerate your learning curve. We learn the most from the lessons that test us. Each lesson is just a step toward graduation. There are always teachers guiding us, placing us in positions that test our resolve that eventually open us up to greater understanding. Most often we lack the awareness of their most generous guidance.
How does one gain that awareness? Do you remember when you first learned to drive? Your parents or driver-ed teachers guided you and helped you master what would become an amazing world-changing event. Your outlook and understanding of the world around you grew exponentially. You traveled to places you had never been to.
It is no different when traveling the inner worlds. Spiritual guides help us maneuver through amazing, consciousness-raising experiences throughout higher planes that exist for the benefit of our enlightenment. Most often this is done in the dream state. Why do they choose this task? Love. And so one day we may follow in their footsteps.
On earth, as it is in heaven.
So often throughout human history ignorance and misunderstanding of the role these advanced souls play in our journey home have shined a light on the purpose we are all here for. To learn to rise above ignorance, prejudice, and hate. We will continue to return to the physical plane for countless lifetimes until we learn the only lesson worth learning.
LOVE GOD ABOVE ALL ELSE. BE AN EXAMPLE FOR OTHERS TO FOLLOW. THE REWARDS FOR THIS? INDESCRIBABLE SPIRITUAL AWE.
I realize this piece will have different effects on those that read this. I apologize if this article offends you in any way. It is not intended to do so. Things of a spiritual nature always affect others in unique ways. Each of us is on our own personal journey and like the title of this article states you can only be you. And how wonderful is that? The path we walk toward God-realization is uniquely ours. We have eternity to get there.
