Be grateful for a love that never dies
This is Oxford’s definition of grief: deep sorrow, especially that caused by someone’s death.
Sounds very cold and impersonal. But I can understand why. Unless one has walked the walk, shed the tears, and suffered from all the ravages of grief, it is impossible to grasp the conditions of grief. Or the self-torment that the one left behind often indulges in.
Let me pose a question to those reading this who may be experiencing grief. Answer it honestly. DO YOU STILL LOVE YOUR DEPARTED LOVED ONE? Ninety-nine out of one hundred of you likely answered yes.
Grief is a journey that everyone who has experienced or will experience it will one day walk. In one lifetime or another. Just as God intended.
What? How can you say that? God can’t be that cruel.
That’s what you are probably thinking right now. Take a deep breath and contemplate that for a moment. Would everyone on this planet experience grief in their lifetime if God did not intend it to be so? Accepting this notion leads to another question.
What does God expect us to learn from grief?
I can’t speak for God. I can share what I have learned from grief. And what I have learned from being a volunteer for a Hospice bereavement team. Grief cleanses you. It breaks one down to the lowest point in one’s life. Why? To prepare you for a new life, one you are now being compelled to create.
How many wounded veterans who have lost limbs in battle had to learn to walk with artificial legs, if they were lucky enough to avoid being wheelchair-bound for the rest of their lives? Or perhaps have artificial arms and hands to try to accomplish the simple task of eating? Did they give up when the going got tough? No. They learn to adjust while being grateful for being alive.
Grief is a gift from God.
Nothing exists that can strip one bare like grief. Grief is the ultimate self-reflection. When we are grieving, we dive deep into a pool of what-ifs, if-only’s, why did she/he have to leave me, and a myriad of other emotions meant to cleanse us. Meant to strengthen us. Meant to awaken us to new possibilities we’ve put aside long ago.
There is a distinct sense of freedom one eventually attains in the later stages of grief. The world doesn’t seem so foreboding because we’ve survived the worst scenario it could throw at us. Now we can view future challenges as minor barriers in life and laugh them off.
I know this may all seem like a fantasy for those still in a deep state of grief. I would have when I was in that stage of grief. I have the advantage of seeing how all this works from volunteering and attending grief meetings at Hospice. I’ve seen many experience their worst days, and many believed I was a crazy person when I suggested much of what is in this article to those around the tables. And I have had many of them thank me a year or two later when they finally started on their new lives. Over the last three years, six couples have met there, and three of them are already married.
So, yes. Life goes on. What we do with it is entirely up to us. However, one thing is sure: all those who grieve will go through the most difficult time of their lives. Hang in there. It gets better. And if you choose, it gets spectacularly better.