A letter to my wife.
As you well know, I was just 21 when we met. I had no clue what love was. Like everyone else at that age, I thought I did. Upon reflection, nothing could be further from the truth.
If someone at that time told me that I was going to meet this spectacularly beautiful woman who would fall madly in love with me, I would have asked them if they were tripping. I wasn’t looking for love. I was content and married to music then. Way back when my fingers still worked. Of course, you know that.
You were all my wishes come true. Though I didn’t it know then. From the moment we met, I knew I loved you. I know, it wasn’t rational. What’s rational about love?
I am still amazed at how easy love was for you. You gave it freely with no conditions attached. To everyone. But I will be eternally grateful you chose me to share eternity with. Particularly this life, as I am still left to deal with this one for a little while longer.
I have to say that you were one crazy chick when we met. It’s no wonder why I was so attracted to you. Besides your smoking hot body. We became good friends. How many times did we walk down the hall to one another’s apartment to get high and have a beer or six? I think that’s when you fell for my witty charm and good looks. Or began to feel sorry for me. Either way, it worked.
It wasn’t long after that I had the most significant moment in my life. The moment that would shape my future in the most amazing and unimaginable ways. We kissed. Both of us were not sure as you were still in a relationship, though it was failing. That moment in time will be forever imprinted in my brain. But, more importantly, it was the spark that reminded us, souls, that we are forever joined in love.
Every day was special from that moment. Through the good times and bad times. Through all the laughter and tears. Through the births of our children and the deaths of our parents. We had to learn what all parents learn. How to let go. How to watch them leave the nest and spread their wings. Because of you, it was easier than I expected. You just took it in stride, knowing the foundation we created prepared them as best we could.
I am sitting here trying to share with you everything you mean to me. I can’t. Words just fail miserably. All the times you were there for me. For the kids. Hell, for everyone. I only wish I could walk out of the office and hug you from behind like I’ve done a million times while you are preparing something in the kitchen. To kiss your neck until you can’t help but turn to me and say “Stop it. I won’t get dinner done,” as you come in for a kiss with a smile lighting the way.
You should know that many of our friends have been showing me kindness since you moved on. That should come as no surprise as they loved you dearly. As I am sure you are aware our children are coping with your departure in their way. I think it would help our daughter Kelly immensely if you visited her occasionally in her dreams to let her know everything is fine. She is still struggling and occasionally needs a mom hug.
I need to tell you this. You were an amazing mother. And wife. And lover. And friend. And daughter. And sister. You are no longer those things. You are soul. As we all are. And my love for you knows no bounds. It is endless. As is yours. Though you are not here to hold me in your arms your love enfolds me every minute of my life. For this my gratitude is boundless. I thank you for sharing with me such wondrous love. See you soon. Visit anytime.
PS. Take care of our little boy Chewy. I’m sure he is ecstatic about having his favorite lap back in his life.
© 2022 Joe Merkle All rights reserved
Originally published on Medium.com